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from Nothing Is Very Permanent by Blaine Redden

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lyrics

For the first time in my life I feel like a phony. I don't say what I mean anymore. I find it harder and harder to be vulnerable to people. I know or don't know. I wonder if i'm lost. If i've been lost, this whole time. And am now just seeing the forest for the girls, i've loved. And when they leave, I realize I am that same boy, who cried and banged his head on concrete, in the rain, on the dark and stormy night by the water. The same boy who plays piano all alone with the lights turned off in the green room that has no heat. He will wrap himself in blankets and play with gloves on. Because that boy loved to sing. For no reason and for anybody. When the girl I love leaves and does not return my phone calls, who am I? I don't mind if she goes, if I return. If he, returns. That little boy who slept next to the dog by the door, and sprawled out on the floor, listening to rain. That boy was the best i've ever been. Who am I, when she leaves, bags packed and whistling, I will return to boydom. To I. And wait, but not hold any breath for the thought of, the little girl that you will become too. And we'll both lay with the dog by the door, all sprawled out on the floor, listening to the rain.

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from Nothing Is Very Permanent, released November 12, 2015

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Blaine Redden Montreal, Québec

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