1. |
Unravel
05:18
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while you are away
my heart comes undone
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For the first time in my life I feel like a phony. I don't say what I mean anymore. I find it harder and harder to be vulnerable to people. I know or don't know. I wonder if i'm lost. If i've been lost, this whole time. And am now just seeing the forest for the girls, i've loved. And when they leave, I realize I am that same boy, who cried and banged his head on concrete, in the rain, on the dark and stormy night by the water. The same boy who plays piano all alone with the lights turned off in the green room that has no heat. He will wrap himself in blankets and play with gloves on. Because that boy loved to sing. For no reason and for anybody. When the girl I love leaves and does not return my phone calls, who am I? I don't mind if she goes, if I return. If he, returns. That little boy who slept next to the dog by the door, and sprawled out on the floor, listening to rain. That boy was the best i've ever been. Who am I, when she leaves, bags packed and whistling, I will return to boydom. To I. And wait, but not hold any breath for the thought of, the little girl that you will become too. And we'll both lay with the dog by the door, all sprawled out on the floor, listening to the rain.
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4. |
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With him, I am yellow
Yellow belly scared
Too afraid to tell him:
I love you, but I'm not in love with you
Yellow in the face
Because the things he says
About the girls across the street
make me sick
Yellow like the sun setting too quickly
Because if I'm around too long
I'll burn him
The sun setting for a bit to give him a rest
from me
Yellow like the bruises he left on my ass
Even though I said don't
it actually hurts
I am the yellow of the dandelions
He mows over in his lawn
Because they're weeds
And not flowers
Somehow
Yellow like the bird in the grill of his car
I am the yellow of the 45 watt lightbulbs
In the the ceiling of his room
That he hates to have on
Even when I am there
We are always sitting in the dark
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Blaine Redden Montreal, Québec
(-_-
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